Happy new year biddies and brosefs.

Supposedly the world is going to end in the coming year. According to conspiracy theorists, this will happen on December 21st, 2012. But the cool kids know that isn’t going to happen, because Django Unchained is going to hit theatres 4 days later. Still, it gives us an excuse to do what we do best: loot, pillage, and plunder like we’ve been doing for the past 21 centuries any time anything happens really. It also gives me an excuse to make the most renegade new year resolutions in the history of renegade  new year resolutions.

So without any further ado, the ultimate list of year-end lists. My fucking resolutions!

1. Start chain smoking, try to quit by Valentine’s.
2. Gain lots of weight, try to lose it by St.Patrick’s Day.
3. Write a film for Nicolas Cage, something where he punches as many women as possible, preferably with a freakout scene and a new hairstyle.
4. Start a fight between the Avengers and Justice League impersonators on Hollywood Boulevard.
5. Get IMDB to list my age as 12 until I’m 87, then change it to 13 when I’m 88.
6. Start a vicious street gang called “The Candy Cane Smilies”.
7. Convince someone to tattoo “see you in hell” in sanskrit on their bicep, tell them it means “let it be”.
8. Stage a local musical production of Donnie Darko in a Midwestern town. Kick ass and take names.
9. Un-cancel Community. That shit ain’t cool NBC, #sixseasonsandamovie, we will Chang the world.
10. Come up with a 10th resolution.

There it is motherlovers. Thank you for your patience with the all of the recent list posts. It’s pretty lazy of me, but I’m on break! So suck it. Anyways, good luck at failing with your resolutions for 2012. I hope you have the most balls-amaze, tits out, guns blazing, party-hardy new year!

xo

N

I'm on a boat. It's a classy way to spend the apocalypse.